Devenir a gris







Feel the rain like an English summer
Hear the notes from a distant song
Stepping out from a backdrop poster
Wishing life wouldn't be so dull.


Fade To Grey - Visage

xx

Day 15 – 10 things you like

1. Lady Gaga. Obviously.

2. Keeley Hawes.
My favourite actress, because of Ashes To Ashes mainly, but she has done a lot of other great roles as well, Like Lady Agnes Holland in Upstairs Downstairs and DSI Martha Lawson in Identity. And Zoe in Spooks ofc.

3. Gene Hunt. Not as crazy about the actor as I am about Keeley, but the character is EPIC.

4. England. There's just so much to like. I have gone from a Japan-freak to England-freak. One day I want to live there. And British accent IS sexy.

5. Photograph and edit pictures. Should probably be higher up really. It's a bit like a drug, I can't stop.

6. Clothes, shoes and accessories. A very bad and money consuming vice.

7. School. I get really restless when I'm not in school. Apart from the sleep-ins I don't really like being on break.

8. Tattoos. I have none, yet. But I do dream of having several all over my body.

9. Chips, dip and cola. Especially on friday evenings with my family.

10. Birthdays. Goes without saying. Next time I will be twenty. I don't want to be twenty. I wish I could have my birthday and stay nineteen.

xx

Day 14 – What you wore today


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Day 13 - This week

... is the last one of the year.

xx

Fade To Grey









xx

crimped



Just did a styling for a photoshoot that is one of my favourites ever. Crimped hair and tons of blue eye shadow, very eighties. I just hope the pictures turns out good, because I think this could really work on camera. I don't think I ever had this much volume in my hair before. Looks a bit like Lady Gaga on the Rolling Stone cover, the one with all the bubbles, you know.

xx

Day 12 – What’s in your bag



This is what was in my bag when I emptied it. I'm a baglady, I tend to have a big bag with lots of totally unneccessary stuff in. Now lately I've been using a smaller bag at work, so there's not as much in this one as there usually are. Just the basic stuff that I always bring: purse/wallet, bus card, headphones, lipgloss, sunglasses (I never go anywhere without sunglasses, even in the winter) and different kinds of pens. This time of the year I also bring gloves, apparently. Lately I also tend to bring DOASW as I'm usually of meeting someone that I promised I'd show it to.

I pretty much always use the same bag: the beige one I bought at New Look in Paris. Funny how I was afriad I'd end up never using it when I bought it, and now I can't seem to find one even remotely good enough to replace it (It's not the best quality, so I'd like to find one to vary it with in order for it to last longer).

So there you go, this is what's in my bag.

xx

imprint me




Just some newly edited photos from DOASW photoshoots.

I made a new header and some small changes in my design. Hardy noticable. I have had the same basic design for quite some time now. I really like it because it's plain, but with a personal twist and it doesn't take the focus from the photos, which easily happens when the design is too cluttered. But I change the header every now and then to get some variation.

I got photo paper that I ordered in the mail today, so I'm preparing some prints for my wall. This'll be the first time I print in A4!

Got some ideas for the new project as well (which I will tell you about soon). But I need to buy a cake and some (read: a lot of) candles.

Stay tuned for Day 12 challenge - what's in my bag!

xx

Q & A

A few questions that are asked from time to time that I thought should be answered:

Q: Why do you blog in English?

A: Because I know for a fact that about half of my readers are not Swedish like me, but from various other countries. I don't have many readers in general, so I'd like for those I got to understand what I'm writing. And I find it a bit silly to write in Swedish and then translate, when I rather just write solely in English.

Q: Do you have an online portfolio or website with your photos?

A: yes, I have a portfolio. The adress is malinz.portfoliobox.net. It contains most of my work from the past few years.

Q: When did you start photographing?

A: Around 2007, when I began secondary school. More seriously in 2008.

xx

Day 11 - My siblings



I have written about my siblings before, but I guess I'll do it again.

I'm the eldest of three, and the soon to be smallest. Both of my younger sisters have been blessed with height and gorgeous long, blonde hair (my lack of the latter is entirely my own fault though). They're both pretty, but none of us look much alike in real life. At summer camp it took our friends a week to figure that me and Sara was related, and they only did because we fought like cat and dog the whole time and ended up mentioning mum and dad as a threat.

Sara is one and a half years younger than me and has been my closest friend my whole life. We have always been hanging out, sharing friends and interests. We're don't really have a lot in common, but as we have grown up together and have been so close in age, we share a lot of experiences from the same point of view, which I think brings us together. I know she'd stand of for me any given time, just like I would for her.

Lovisa is six and a half years younger than me. She may be only twelve (going on thirteen), but she has the face and the body of a model. Lately, we've become closer since she have found an interest for fashion and shopping, which was one thing that Sara and I never had much in common. She likes my style and occationally lets me dress her. She now also finds it fun to model for my photo projects.

I love my sisters, they're the best I could possibly ask for. Though, sometimes I wish I had older siblings as well. It sucks to be the first with everything.

xx

Day 10 – What you wore today



This is what I wore yesterday. I didn't have time to take a pic of today's outfit but it was pretty much the same. White dress, black tights, jacket, boots and stole and beige bag. And the rosary cross necklace my sister gave me for christmas.

Been out on the boxing day sales. Bought a lot of new things, among these a pair of new boots to replace the ones on the pic which started to leak yesterday when I was wearing them.

xx

Photo printer



The first to prints from my favourite christmas present. An ink photo printer. I've been longing for one for a while, because it's a completely different feeling to have your photos printed in your hand, than just on the computer screen. So I was thrilled and surprised when my parents had bought me one. Really didn't see it coming (I had assumed that the huge package under the tree was for my baby sister, they usually are, so I didn't even bother checking). As you can see I printed one colour and one black photo to try it out and the prints are great! The printer is a Canon Pixma iP4850, in case you'd like to know.

xx

Day 09 - Your beliefs

I believe in a lot of things. I make a point of believing. If you don't believe in things in order for them to be real. For this I'm going to post an extract from the short story I wrote for my Creative Writing course. This is from somewere in the middle and is a conversation between Victoria King and her friend Alex, a few weeks before Alex dies (Victoria knows Alex is going to die, but Alex doesn't). It might seem random, and it is a quite random story, but it has a few quotes about believing that I'm proud of. Note that Victorias particular beliefs are hers, not mine, but the general idea is mine.


’I wish we could stay like this forever. I wish it never had to end,’ Victoria said to her one night. They were sitting at Alex’s couch in her flat. They were always in Alex’s flat. To many people in Victoria’s house, she said. Always too busy.
‘Maybe if you work that magic of yours, we can,’ she responded, trying to make a joke of it, since she knew Victoria was dead serious. Alex was not prepared for that kind of talk.
‘You do not believe in magic,’ Victoria stated. She knew her too well.
’Do you?’
‘Not anymore. But I believe in believing. If you believe you can do magic, then you can.’
‘And you don’t believe you can anymore?’
’No.’
‘What do you believe then?’
’I believe in eternal life. And I believe in pain.’
Alex was silent for a few seconds, thinking about what it really was that Victoria just said. Just as she was going to respond, Victoria beat her to it.
‘When I believed in magic, I did not believe in pain. I had everything, but I was as cold as a rock to the world. In the end it left me wondering if that was really the way to spend eternity. So I changed my beliefs. You have to believe that there is such a thing as pain to feel it. And if you do not feel pain, then you do not know when there is none. You cannot lead a happy life if you do not believe in pain.’
‘And what is the use of magic if you are too numb to know how to enjoy it, right?’
‘Precisely.’
‘You’re deep for your age, you know.’
Victoria chuckled. It made Alex smile. A chuckle from her, these days, was as rare as snowstorms in May. Alex grabbed her by the hand and pulled her close to her, putting her arms around her small frame. Victoria seemed comfortable in the embrace, but Alex chose not to push it. Victoria leaned closer and brushed her lips to Alex's cheek before resting her head at her shoulder.
‘You know, really, it is you who is awfully naive for your age’ she said.


If you like to read the whole story, you can contact my in optional way and I'll work out some way for it to be possible. I'd just don't fancy uploading it anywere unless I know it will be read.

xx

Day 08 - A moment


When going with the bus from the hotel we usually stay at when in London down to Oxford Street, we always pass Marble Arch. I really like Marble Arch. This is from 11.53, 4/4 2010.

xx

How could I be so blind to this addiction?



I may at times seem to be full of contradictions. I mean, just basically, I am a feminist dying to work in the fashion industry, taking photos of skinny girls (the girliest of all girly business, still it's dominated my men, why is that?).

There's just one thing I'd like to be clear on. I don't smoke, nor drink alcohol. I'm pretty much straight edge. In plenty of my pictures I am seen holding a "cigarette". You who been around for a while, knows that this is not a real cigarette. Actually it is a convoluted price tag, which in itself is an innuendo of my real addiction, which is shopping. So it's really just my way of showing shopping as of what it really is. A vice, just like smoking.

So there you go, I small insight into what goes around in this wicked mind of mine. And that most things are far from random.

xx

Day 07 - My best friend

My best friend is Sanna. We have been friends since 2006, when we were fourteen, before we were dark and misunderstood. We were very alike back then. Not as much anymore, but maybe that's why we're still such good friends. We "matured" together and we found ourselves together. I like being with Sanna, because she accepts me just the way I am, and like it or not, it's very hard to find people who does that. Accepts it all, even the bad sides. I can be super annoying at times and talk non stop, but she puts up with it, and I put up with her less good sides. And we don't expect anything from each other, which I think is the reason we have never had a really serious fight. It's just so easy being together. And I know she's there when I need her and I hope she knows that I'm there if she needs me too.



This is probably the most awful picture I have on my computer, still I love it so, so much. It is of a reflection of us in the window of a train on a ride home from Stockholm in early 2009, were there had been a mix up with the seats and we ended up traveling first class even though we had paid for second. We had so much fun on that trip to Stockholm and it's something I will never ever forget. I hope we get to do it again soon!

Malin+Sanna= BFF's ♥

xx

Day 06 - Your definition of love



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Day 05 - Your Day



Okay, so I cheated a little. It was supposed to be "your definition of love" today and "your day" tomorrow, but I switched because today has been such a good day that I wanted to write about it and tomorrow I'll just be working all day and it will be no fun.

So, today started out pretty bad. I couldn't sleep so when it was time to get up I had only slept for about three or four full hours. I was going into my old school to give Spoke and Marie their copies of DOASW. It was about 1 feet of snow outside and freezing. And of course the bus was fifteen minutes late, which resulted in me being half an hour later at the school than planned. But when I was finally there it was nice. I have written this many times, but I really like my old teachers, they're great and I miss seeing them every day so it's always fun when I visit. Especially today when I was giving them my book! We talked a lot and now I've suddenly got a new project coming up! I'm not going to tell you anything, because nothing is decided yet apart from the fact that we're doing the project, but as soon as it's settled I'll let you know!

After my visit I didn't feel like going home, but what I did feel was a extreme craving for shoes. So I walked into town and after looking in four different shoe stores I found these beauties (that I've been drooling over before) on 75% sale. So from 1200 SEK to 300 SEK, they were totally worth the money. You can't tell from the picture but they're wedges.

Then I got some really sweet messages on facebook (won't write them, because the translation sounds stupid) and e-mailed some about the project. I'm really feeling this project. I think it's going to be awesome if it works out and so much fun doing. Actually I'm quite feeling life in general today. It's days like this that makes everything worth it.

xx

In the shadowplay, acting out your own death


Vienna.


Poison.


Ashes to ashes.

To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth.

In the shadowplay, acting out your own death, knowing no more,
As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor,
And with cold streel, odour on their bodies mad a move to connect,
But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left.

I did everything, everything I wanted to,
I let them use you for their own ends,
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.

Joy Divison - Shadowplay

xx

Day 04 – What you ate today

Pasta with my mum's home made tomato sause and chicken. That's pretty much it. I'm not very good at eating when I'm not in school. Probably because I sleep past lunch. Though I did drink coffee (I do that every morning, or I get an awful head-ache) and two X-Ray energy drink.

Right now I'm working on some photos I just shot. Been playing around with my 500W lamp and the shadows it brings again. The light on some of the pics is so awsome it's killing me! And really bright light reflections in the eyes is gorgeous. Here's something to look at while waiting for the rest of the pics. And something to listen to as well? Here's my 80's playlist with some of my favourite songs. It's a bit fail though, since there is some songs not from the 80's as well... Mostly classics, I like the classics.


xx

Day 03 - Your parents



Dunno what to say really. I got good parents. They're very different from each other. I'm sort of a mix between then. But I can't write my relationship to either one of them without it getting to personal, so I won't do that.

We decorated gingerbreads the other day. I'm much better at that then the others in my family. Not really feeling any christmas spirit this year, though. Dunno why.

xx

Death Of A Saleswoman



All pictures from my project Death Of A Saleswoman, along with pictures from The Rhyming Game, the Lady Gaga concert and this blog, are now on display on my new online portfolio at Portfoliobox.net. Click on the picture above to go directly to Death Of A Saleswoman, or HERE to come to the start page of the portfolio. Unfortionalty the site is slightly abusing the colours of the photographs, but I've been working my ass of all day to get the layouting right so you damn well better check it out or I will come around your house and stamp on all your toys!

xx

Day 02 - Your first love

I have never been in love. Not really anyway. I've loved a lot of people, but never been IN love with anyone. I have had several of crushes but never been completely head over heels about someone and not a person who I actually know. I'm sort of in love with Lady Gaga, though.



xx

Day 01 - introduce yourself



My name is Malin and I was born seventh of September in 1991. For the first eight years of my life I lived in central Malmö, along with my parents and two younger sisters. In November 1999 we moved to Klagshamn, which is a small village just outside Malmö. I like it here, our house, our garden and the nature, but I was born a city-girl and will always remain one. I dream of one day having my own flat in Notting Hill or Victoria Gate in London.

I have wanted to be an artist since I was in kindergarten. It has taken me a lot of strong mindset and hard work to be able to recognize myself as one. I work with photography and may be looked upon as a photographer as well, but in first place I will always be an artist. I have studied photography for three and a half years now. My plan is to start applying for London/British universities within a near future.

I also like fashion, writing (mostly poetry), music, TV-series and traveling. I've travelled a lot with my family while growing up and have visited a lot of different places all over the world, including places outside Europe (I've been to North America, Asia and Africa).

I'm a bit weird. No wait. I'm really weird. I guess most people are, though. I get really obsessed about things/people, like Lady Gaga and Ashes To Ashes. And I have sort of a split personality. I can be really childish, sweet and kind, but also very mean, stubborn and bitchy. I never pretend to like people that I don't, which can make me seem quite cold from time to time. So if you get the feeling that I don't like you, it's probably because I don't. But then on the other hand, if I seem to like you than I probably do. I am generally a happy person and do appreciate life and what it brings. Though I do tend to keep my issues to myself (now, I mean real issues, not which pair of shoes I should buy), which probably is not always a very good thing.

So I guess that's me. It ended up pretty long, but it's hard to keep it short when you could probably write several pages about yourself. Tomorrow will be "My First Love"...

xx

30 day challange

I found this on Mia's blog and thought it'd be a fun thing to try. Over the following 30 days I'll write about the things on this list, starting today. So keep an eye out for the first part!

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents 
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your day
Day 06 – Your definition of love
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs 
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag 
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – 10 things you like
Day 16 – Christmas whislist
Day 17 – Favourite blogs
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday 
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Favorite vacation
Day 22 – Your room
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry 
Day 25 – Your day
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

xx

A thank you, I guess


Old pic from before I cut of my hair, still used make-up on a regular every-day basis and had visible eyebrows. April 09.

I've been thinking (when did I ever stop?). I've got some pretty amazing people in my life. People that aren't exactly friends nor family, but still very close to my heart. I don't know what to call them really. Guess they are friends at some level, but still not quite. I'd never say "my friend ***" when talking about any of them. And I do talk about them a lot. They're the ones who always believe in me and support me. They're the ones that I know I could trust if I needed to. They have more confidence in me than I sometimes have myself. I'm not always a very strong person. Very weak from time to time to be honest, and I need this kind of people to tell me every now and then that I CAN do things.

To all my actual friends and family out there, I do love and appreciate you, but this is not for you. This is for those others that I'll thank in my books when I'm famous (lol). Because without them having my back, I don't think I'd have the confidence and belief in myself to pull this shit off.

I don't see myself ever telling you guys that I'm reffering to in person just how much you simply being is helping me, every day. I just hope that some of you end up reading this, and can figure out that it's about you. Lots of love for you, if you do.

xx Malin Z

xx

Hair/shoes



I'm a girly girl. I dream of long wavy blonde hair. My hair is wavy and it sure is blonde, but it's not long. I used to have hair about four inches longer than I do now, but I cut of about six in may 09. I am now growing it out and doing this leaves me frustrated about my complete lack of an actual hair style atm. I can't even put in extension, because then I'll have to cut my hair for it not to look cut of where my real hair ends, and doing that I'll lose the thickness I want for when my hair is as long as I want it naturally. Waiting for hair to grow is the most boring thing.

Another totally unimportat personal issue of mine is shoes. I found a pair of shoes that I really want, but I also feel that I should save my money. I can't use heels with the current weather either way. But I reallr really want them and I don't know what to do and who to ask for advice. It's a shit life loving fashion sometimes. My heart hurts with longing every time I think of them. Whatidoooo?!

xx

All I want for x-mas...



Been wrapping of x-mas presents for my sisters and for my coach. And no, it doesn't say lie as in telling lies. Lie is my coach's name (cross my fingers that she doesn't visit my blog before I can give it to her tomorrow). Wrapping gifts are hard, because I wanna do all these fancy wrappings with lots of bows and stuff, but if they're to fancy you end up not wanting to open them because they'll be ruined. The world is full of serious problems, right?

xx

Surrealism



"I've always been delusionally ambitious to the point where people don't understand me. It's a life I was made for. My friends joke that I'm dead until I get onstage. I'm dead right now as you're speaking to me."

- Lady Gaga


xx

It's like the thought of a siren thinker, as I sink into that mind of yours



I hate the fact that as all of our house is fairly warm despite the current weather, my room is freezing. Only mine. I think my dad failed to lute my windows properly when he renovated them and now there's all this cold air coming in from them. I'm freezing my ass of at this very moment, I tell you. Luckily I got a warm cushion for when I'm sleeping.

Anyway. So this is the dress I fell in love with. The second I saw it I knew I had to have it. I have no idea what happened, because it doesn't resemble anything I have (which is good in a way, I guess). It's definitly not a pattern I would usually go for, but as it hung there in the store I just... I dunno really. I obviously ended up buying it anyway. Guess I like the colours together and the cut in the neck. And of course the lovely lace in the back. Plan on wearing it tomorrow.

Did my second test today. I hope it went well, but I didn't feel as good about it as I would have preferred at this moment. But at least it's done with for now.

Now I'd like my family to come home with the chinese food I've been promised.
Have a good tuesday night, xx.

xx

Escaped



Today has been... avarage. Maybe good even. I had a test that I think went well (camera tecnique and basic photoshop, so you could say it was my cup of tea). I fell in love with a maxidress at H&M and couldn't stop myself from buying it (maybe I'll show you later). I studied for my other test tomorrow. Photography history. It's really quite interesting, some of the text we're reading, but not very much about the actual history. Hope it goes well. Then I watched Dexter. Now I have to finish my project report so I can have it printed tomorrow and hand it in on Wednesday. Can't wait for Wednesday to come and being through with it.

xx

Syndicate



A couple of days back my grandmother asked me what I do nowadays. I thought about it for a second then replied that well, I take photos and such. And then, there was nothing. Later I thought to myself: ’is that really all I do?’ And I realised that yes, yes it is. My ever since childhood dream of being an artist has become the only real thing that I have. I have found what I want from life and there is nothing else that I want to do. I don’t know if it’s sad, or if I am lucky.

xx

Marionette



I'm completely absorbed by the winter finale of Fringe (trust me to take up watching the show just in time for it to end again). It was the most beautiful episode so far. Very grotesque and dark but at the same time very romantic. Just the way I like it.

And I'm fascinated by how the lighting turned out in this photo. The only sources of illumination are the lamp in the ceiling and my table lamp and yet somhow I managed to get very nice reflections in my dress and shadows in my face. I mean, seriously, look at my cheekbone. There's a fairly defined line and I didn't even put any make-up nor edited there. I love how my face catches the light when I get it right.

xx

Judgement day



Today is my judgement day. Not quite feeling it... Don't think you're supposed to have more than one judgement day in your life, but who cares. At least I'm disco!

Of I trott to school.

xx

The girl who hated snow





Went for a visit at my old school today with Kajsa. It was so much fun. We had coffee with our old headteacher and I showed him and Marie DOASW. Now they're going to buy one copy each from me! Then me and Kajsa went downtown for some shopping. I bought a dress. It was really cold and I really do hate the snow.

Tomorrow's the examination of DOASW. I'm quite nervous.

And Facebook and Tumblr won't work, why is that? (Yes, I got myself a Tumblr. Check it out here!)

xx

Shot dead in the head



Got my awesome t-shirts from shotdeadinthehead today. I love them. Awful pictures though, I'm sorry, but I'm to tired. I totally recomend the site, the shirts were delieverd faster than said and were of great quality. Only thing that bothered me a bit was that the shirts were different sizes, even though I ordered the same size in all of them. But they all fitted anyway, so it's fine. Just good to know if you're ordering. I payed 30£ + shipping costs for these three t-shirts.

I'm very much in love with the disco-tee. And the Gene Hunt one is epic (if you have watched Life On Mars and/or Ashes To Ashes you know what I'm talking about). And I always liked that classic yellow sex pistols tee, but I never listened to them so I didn't feel like wearing a shirt with them, but this one is perfect!

xx

All Better



Fever n' all is gone now and I'm feeling better. So good acutally that I went shopping for x-mas presents today. Being slightly more generous towards my sisters this year, which I hope they will appreciate.

And I'm all about Fringe again. Can't wait for the next episode!

xx

Sick





So, probably thanks to this delightful weather, I am now sick. 38°C fever (which is quite high for me since my normal temperature is between 36,5-37°C), aching head and sore throat. And occational dizzyness. Thought I was going to faint this morning when being home alone. Not very pleasant experience. I am very rarely sick, so this is kinda wearing me out and all I feel like doing is lying in bed catching up on season 3 of Fringe, so you're gonna have to excuse my lack of updates until I'm better.

Hope all of you are feeling better than I do, xx!

ps. These pictures are of the street were I live and our second house taken with my cellphone camera! Awesome, right!? ds.

xx

DOASW



Guess what? I got my book(s). Five days earlier than I planned for. Ordered from Vistaprint, which I highly recomend for photobooks. They have good quality, fast delivery and resonable prices.

xx

Face


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I am going down




xx